exhausted

So Christmas kind of snuck up on me this year. We had an evening of fun with Dav's family on Christmas eve. I had a blast with the kids, and the stockings (aka, great big garbage can of love), was brought back by popular demand.
Christmas day had us at my parents' house in the morning. We had a lot of fun. I helped my mom cook dinner for the crowd that evening (my extended family usually totals around fifty people squeezed in my parents' house, and yes, they all like to talk as much as I do.) It was a great time. It just didn't feel like Christmas this year.
And today it just feels like I am worn out and didn't get an extra day to rest. Christmas eve and day fell on my regular "weekend" off, and as such I had to come to work the day after (today) without a day to recover. They decided to give me an arbitrary Tuesday off to make up for it. Ah, AT&T.
Anyway, I am looking forward to Tuesday. I plan to redefine the word "lazy," and maybe, just maybe, start putting things together for new year's eve. I have to work the next day after that too (though not till the afternoon).

All I'm saying is my check better be looking good after all this.

Yesterday was the ten year anniversary of when I accepted Christ. When I truly did. Winter solstice, 1999. I will never forget it. I thank God so much for giving me a second chance. And a third and fourth and fifth........
When I was younger, around 11 or so, I prayed the salvation prayer because the southern baptists had me so scared of hell. It meant nothing. I didn't even tell anyone. Nothing changed.

In 1999, I accepted Christ out of love, not fear. Fear will not cause anyone to really, truly change. I fell in love with this Man, Jesus. The author Donald Miller says that sometimes you have to watch someone love something before you can love it yourself. That is so true.

Every once in a while, when I see friends grow closer to God, or accept Christ, it makes me fall in love all over again.

Some days I don't feel very spiritual. I don't feel like reading the Bible or praying very much. Luckily, God's love for me never changes. I've learned that the relationship I have with Him is not based on how spiritual I feel. He will never leave me or forsake me. Sometimes, I drift off course and do stupid things and put other things ahead of Him (frequently, actually), but He always welcomes me back with open arms.

It doesn't get much better than that.

So everytime it gets cold, I'm reminded of His love, and grace. I love winter :0)

Be blessed.

weird ass dream

OK, so I had a bizarre, creepy dream last night. Not for the faint of heart:

I dream that I was pregnant. I was excited. I do want to have kids, just not at this very moment. But if it happens I think I would be pretty excited. So, that wasn't so weird.

Anyway, the pregnancy progressed really quickly and i remember touching my belly and being able to feel the arms and legs of the child jutting through. OK, kind of strange, but whatever.

Anyway, I dreamed that I was at someone's house. It was kind of dimly lit, with candles around. Anyway, I went into labor. The child got "stuck" trying to come out and I'm not sure what happened (an emergency cessarean?) but when the child finally came out (a boy).... he was like four years old!!!!!!!!!!!! Weird weird weird. Maybe I have been reading too much twilight. Anyway... I remember it being painful and scary obviously, but mostly being worried about the child (I can't very well call it a baby, now can I?)

Weird dream indeed. I have a lot of weird dreams. Maybe I shouldn't have had the cheese straws and Milwaukee's Best Ice tall boy right before bed...?

oh yeah

Today is OK, I guess. Just waiting for payday. Currently on lunch break and listening to Pandora. It's funny, because it's playing a lot of songs that I like, but I forgot existed. Gotta love the 90's. Dav is at home making his yummy chicken and dumplings. I can't wait to go home and enjoy dinner with him.

So when we get paid on Thursday, I have to start (and hopefully finish) my Christmas shopping. I have a couple of December birthdays too (Dorothy and my mom). Send out Christmas cards. Stand the tree back up from the thousandth time that the cats see fit to knock it over. Ah, the holidays.

I wish that we had a separate mailbox for the Christmas cards and letters and happy stuff. Magazines and the like. Separate from the nasty bills. Oh well.

Next month is my and Dav's SEVEN year wedding anniversary (January 17th). Damn, I feel old. I love him so much. I hope we can do something fun for our anniversary. Usually we go to New Orleans, Memphis, or the coast for the weekend. Last year, we spent the night in Vicksburg but that was still pretty cool because it was a jacuzzi room. Very nice indeed.

Isn't it funny how when you cry out to God, He gives you exactly what you need? Not necessarily what you want, but what you NEED? He is sustaining me once again. Thank You, Jesus. I love You.

sigh

Today is not a happy day for me. I am stressed beyond belief. I am attempting to read the Bible and talk to God about it because I haven't been so close to Him lately, but tears are spilling onto the pages. I just hurt a lot today. Life is hurtful today. It is stressful and mean and unfair today. Sometimes I feel like I can never do anything right. Every choice I make is the wrong one. There is no right choice. I try to be humble and Christlike but I am tired of being kicked while I am down. Christ is God; I am not. I need Him to get me through this because I cannot go it alone. I am trying so hard to help others and I am treading water myself. I feel like I am sinking.

God, please pick me up and hold me in Your arms. I need Your saving grace.

I love this time of year

For obvious reasons. It's not oppressively hot and I don't have to shower five times a day. I actually enjoy the shorter days at times. I'm just a autumn/winter kind of girl. I really enjoy Christmas of course, but also New Years eve. David and I pray at midnight every year, asking that God forgive us of our sins, guide us in the year to come, and to thank Him for a new year. It's a tradition that I look forward to every year.

Also, many major changes have happened to me in the winter months, many awe-inspiring things. In December 1999 (December 21, winter solstice, to be exact), I legitimately accepted Christ and decided to try to follow His teachings. I had grown up going to church and had it drilled into me from an early age, but it didn't truly mean anything to me until then. This is when I began my relationship with God, my Saviour. There have been a few bumps in the road on my part, but this day set me down the path I believe I will follow through eternity. I fell in love with Jesus, truly.

In January 2002, I met David Randall Perkins at Hinds in Raymond. I noticed him immediately but never thought the feelings would be requited. He did, however, ask me out and we began dating the following month. We spent many happy days in the campus library, dodging the cold and the rain. We challenged each other mentally and spiritually. It was truly a miracle.

Almost a year to the date that we met, on January 17, 2003, we married in Florida. We had a short honeymoon and walked on the near deserted beach. It was truly a piece of heaven on earth.

I know it sounds silly, but every year when it gets cool/cold for the first time, it reminds me of God's love for me, and His grace.