Monday, May 2, 2011

I'm not sure how much more I can handle.

The back pain has returned with a vengeance. I had such a horrid weekend, some of the worst pain since my last surgery. My orthopedist has pretty much said that there's nothing else he can do (short of more surgery, which wouldn't help at this point). No drugs help, and I am spiraling into a deep depression. Also, I am starting to feel my left arm go out again (the numb and tingly thing). I'm not sure what else to do.

I have an appointment with a new doctor at my mother in law's clinic next week. I'm not sure what they're going to do. Maybe recommend more physical therapy? I can't sleep. I'm so tired. The antidepressants that my shrink put me on have done little except give me the libido of a dead fish. I don't want to live, but I don't want to die, either. Between the work stress, the pain, and the constant go go go of the weekends, I never get any rest. I need to take a vacation, but my work won't let me. I don't know what to do, but I cannot continue on at this rate. My body is going to give out on me. It's already starting to do so.

I'm 28 and I cannot see dealing with this for another 50-60 years (if I'm lucky enough to live that long).

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